One must have True Love before even looking for Love.
I believe in Love as a pure form. Period.
Love for oneself. Love for one’s children. Love for one’s lover, friend or partner. Love for one’s skill, work or art. Love for others and for Humankind. This is the one and only Love.
I love who I am with all my perks, faults, perfections and imperfections. By no means I’m saying that I am perfect! Far, far from that. But I do love who I am at every single moment of my life. Whenever I found myself not loving the person I was and started feeling I should be better or could be better, I changed who, what or where I was. If I keep evolving and bringing new ways, new subjects and new reasons to continue loving myself then I will keep feeling that I am worthy the investment of time, care, forgiveness and of all the Love that I can apply to myself.
This method, belief and way of living is what I do and apply to my kids, to my career and projects, to my friends and family, to humans around me and to the men that cross paths with me and come into my life.
People tend to seek love in others. Specially in romantic relationships with others. They don’t seem to understand that Love needs to come from oneself first. True love does not start in a romantic form. One’s self-worth should be set by oneself and not by how much someone else loves us back.
Sounds cliché I know. But when you truly achieve this, the process and the way to live it is nothing but cliché…
I love myself. The way I really am. Hopefully ever evolving and improving. If I meet a person who is not perfect but is worthy of love since it has similar values to the ones I held high for loving myself (honesty, kindness, sense of humour, curiosity, etc etc), who might even be totally different from me but is self-assured of who he/she is, then Loving that person is inevitable whatever the format of the relationship.
Whether I am corresponded, or not, should not be relevant.
A person’s worth is inherent to who and how that person is and to the assumed fact that that person deserves my love. Therefore, I should love a person even if not corresponded in the same way. On the same logic, my value and worth should not be diminished or enhanced by being loved back.
“We fall in love not just with a person wholly external to us but with a fantasy of how that person can fill what is missing from our interior lives.”
Adam Phillips in Missing Out: in praise of the Unlived Life.
This is not easy to achieve and even less easy to live by…
When talking about romantic relationships, it is even harder.
I have lived romantic states of passionate love even without being together with that other person and knowing that there was no possible future there.
And I have had periods of calm love that I left behind, once my self-love started screaming for help, even knowing I had a long future there if I wanted.
In no way the love I got, or not, from those people was influential in my self-worth or value.
It might have influenced my happiness or my unhappiness of course, but it never made me doubt myself.
When we stop measuring our value by the level of value and by the level of perfection, perceived by others, of those who “choose” us, that is when we start being happier…
(Next article coming soon: “During Love… (2 of a Triptic Essay)
Making other’s words, my own:
- Heidi Priebe on: “we-dont-always-end-up-with-the-loves-of-our-lives”
- Image From: Icarus-and-the-Sun by Piccolo
- Bjork – I miss you (official Music Video)